what tomorrow may bring

Nassim Nicholas Taleb, author of The Black Swan (which I started to read but got distracted- will give another shot), gives his 10 rules for living with dignity amidst an uncertain world. Needless to say, it is resonating soundly with me these days.
(originally found from one of my favorite blogs, the incomparable Jessica Zafra)

1 Scepticism is effortful and costly. It is better to be sceptical about matters of large consequences, and be imperfect, foolish and human in the small and the aesthetic.

2 Go to parties. You can’t even start to know what you may find on the envelope of serendipity. If you suffer from agoraphobia, send colleagues.

3 It’s not a good idea to take a forecast from someone wearing a tie. If possible, tease people who take themselves and their knowledge too seriously.

4 Wear your best for your execution and stand dignified. Your last recourse against randomness is how you act — if you can’t control outcomes, you can control the elegance of your behaviour. You will always have the last word.

5 Don’t disturb complicated systems that have been around for a very long time. We don’t understand their logic. Don’t pollute the planet. Leave it the way we found it, regardless of scientific ‘evidence’.

6 Learn to fail with pride — and do so fast and cleanly. Maximise trial and error — by mastering the error part.

7 Avoid losers. If you hear someone use the words ‘impossible’, ‘never’, ‘too difficult’ too often, drop him or her from your social network. Never take ‘no’ for an answer (conversely, take most ‘yeses’ as ‘most probably’).

8 Don’t read newspapers for the news (just for the gossip and, of course, profiles of authors). The best filter to know if the news matters is if you hear it in cafes, restaurants... or (again) parties.

9 Hard work will get you a professorship or a BMW. You need both work and luck for a Booker, a Nobel or a private jet.

10 Answer e-mails from junior people before more senior ones. Junior people have further to go and tend to remember who slighted them.

I especially like #6. Mastering the error part. Yes.

fortune-ately

Happy Lunar New Year! 2009 is the Year of the Ox. (at first I accidentally typed "Year of the Ex"- dear God, I hope not!) Anyway.

Happy to have another chance at starting the year right. Honestly the last 3 weeks have just been kinda ehhhh, after the great climatic ending I had to 2008. Unlike last year, I entered this one without any clear plans, so the next 12 months are just one big question mark. My one and only resolution is "find job." I think that's pressure enough. No need to add to that!

And so I look to the cosmos once again for some direction or some hint at what lies in store for me this year's rotation around the solar system. This time though with a healthy dose of skepticism, as last year's rat threatened many terrible things that thankfully didn't materialize. Quite the opposite, actually.

HORSES IN THE YEAR OF THE OX
(taken from chinesefortunecalendar.com)

"Some of those obstacles or troubles in 2008 will carry over to 2009. The first half of the year, Horse people still need to handle things slowly and surely and to avoid face-to-face conflict with your opponent. In the second half of the year, your money luck and career luck will be much stable. But it's still not the optimistic time yet. You need to stay alert on your job, investment and health."
Ok, so it's a bittersweet year ahead. Difficulties for the first half of the year, some of which I'm definitely feeling right now. But who is my opponent?? Could it be- dum dum dum!- myself? I hold myself back? Am I seriously over-analyzing these predictions conjured up in a fortune cookie company by Chinese immigrants who can't really speak English?

"Career: There are many Unlucky Stars showing in career area in 2009. The signs indicate that you cannot concentrate on your daily work quite often. The schedule of business or project will be slow down. Fortunately, there also is a strong Lucky Moon Star appearing in 2009. That means someone will show up to support and help you to solve the problems of entanglement. So you cam escape from those troubles and will work back into the normal track."
What! I can't have any more unlucky stars in my career area! Hello I've been unemployed all year! If I slow down anymore I will stop breathing. Ughhhh. Who is this mysterious "someone"? I need to identify the cast of characters in this fortune.

"Money: A big Unlucky Star from 2008 is gone, but a tiny Unlucky Star appears in 2009. This means that the money luck of Horse people is still struggling. The career is a big factor to determine your money luck. Since you don't have a good sign in career, you shouldn't expect your income will increase from there."
Ugh, no kidding. Tell me something I don't already know. And some good news please, for the love of God!

"Love: There is a Love Star coming in 2009."
Ok! There's a great start!
"However, this Love Star is not a Marriage Star."
Uh.
"That means you have a chance to meet someone you like. Both of you will produce the passion in love. But this relationship won't last too long."
Another year of broken hearts. My mother's, that is.

"Health: Unlucky Hurting and Disease Stars still gather in 2009. The signs indicate illness, exhaustion, panic, fright or weakness coming to people."
Well I'd guess that no job, money, or love might cause even the strongest of horses illness, exhaustion, panic, fright and weakness, don't you agree?

"Horse people must make sure have enough sleep during the night. Otherwise, they will have weak energy and weak resistance against the disease."
Well I got this one covered at least! Unemployment = plenty of sleepy time.

"Plus, you might have more social hours in your nightlife and not pay attention on your eating and drinking. Then, the headache and digestive system will often bother you in 2009."
At least my social life is looking up. Heh.

"Fortune: In general, Horse people don't have a good luck in 2009, but their luck have significant improvement when comparing with 2008. However, you still need to focus on your moves all the time to prevent any mistakes caused by neglect. Luckily, whenever you encounter the big difficulty, someone will appear to solve the problem for you. Therefore, you shouldn't give up anything when troubles come to challenge you. As long as you follow the rule and insist the principle, you will be fine in the year."
Ok! If I just follow the rule and insist the principle everything will be fine! I feel so much better already.

Here's wishing you all a wonderful year.

moratorium

I just realized that today, dear readers, is my ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY of unemployment. ONE YEAR. I have been without stable paid work for 365 days. Wow.

Lucky for me I really enjoy sleeping in. (see? bright side! always!)

I'm not stressing. I'm not stressing. I'm not stressing.

30 rock

30 years and 72 hours later, and I'm happy to report that I did not sprout wrinkles or gray hair and my boobs did not sag overnight. The sky didn't fall. God didn't smite me down. I'm 30 and still alive to tell the tale.

I hadn't been stressing much about it. Age ain't nothin' but a number right? And anyway, as I said before, I feel like I haven't wasted much of my youth or opportunity to f-up during my reckless 20s. So it was a decade well-spent! But as the days ticked down, I started to hyperventilate. I became a cliche- wailing about what have I done with my life so far?! I didn't want to plan any birthday celebrations, instead I was leaning towards reading sad poetry in a darkened room and wallowing in self-pity. But time is merciless, and it was my time to age. Dammit.

All the old-timers (hehe) have been quick to offer up some words of (ancient) wisdom to me. It is comforting to hear that all are unanimous in saying that their 30s have been the best decade so far. Perhaps the most helpful advice came from my dear friend Connie:

"I feel much wiser now and am much better at making decisions. The important thing is that you don't LOOK like you're in your 30s!"

So here's to the 3rd decade. Here's to better decisions and more self-love. To learning from my mistakes, once and for all. To quality over quantity. To anti-wrinkle creams. To longer, but less hangovers. To lying about my age from now on. To always remaining young at heart.

And come on, I know I don't look a day over 24! Bwahahhaa.

2008

Last year on the day before my birthday, I was out in SoHo by myself and a random woman stared at me for a minute at a crosswalk. She said "you should get a psychic reading. I see something big in your aura," and then she crossed the street. No attempt to sell me anything. Being the day before my birthday, I could feel it. So the next day I went and found someone to read my palm. The woman I went to was nothing special, perhaps not even remotely psychic. But she did say 2008 was my year, to contain a lot of traveling. She also said to Florida, California and the Caribbean... she got 1 out of 3 right I guess. So she was probably a quack, but still, I really wanted to believe that it was going to be my year. After an unbelievably crappy end to 2007, I was tired of feeling that way and was absolutely ready to shake it all up. Maybe I created some self-fulfilling prophecy right there, because 2008 is now recognized as The Best Year of My Life So Far! (So take that Year of the Rat!). I'm sad to see it go. It's been a helluva ride and it's so overwhelming now to attempt to sum up.

But here it is.

To start, I've celebrated a new year 3 times in the past 365 days- Gregorian, Lunar and Buddhist. A nice reminder that it's never too late to start anew.

I went to wondrous, exotic places that I'd never been to before, spanning 4 continents this year alone and completing my lifelong goal of seeing them all (minus Antartica) before age 30.

(23 countries and counting)

I got to go home again.

I got out of my comfort zone/rut and threw myself into the opposite. On the opposite side of the world. I traded in the concrete jungle for the simple life. I became a foreigner in an un-diverse setting. I had to learn how to pack light and re-learn how to ride a bicycle. (Now I only fear motorbikes).

I learned how to dive after a lifetime of dreaming about it. I surfed, took up samba, rode elephants, and kayaked with turtles. I slept in a bunk bed with flesh-eating ants. I got mistaken for a ladyboy. I learned some Thai.

I learned not to stress. Mai bpen rai!

Perhaps because I also experienced the joys of prolonged unemployment? Work is so overrated, ha ha. The truth is, I got caught in the great American recession, so it wasn't necessarily my choice to be in this situation, but my real accomplishment was turning that into an opportunity to grow in other areas of my life. I didn't expect it to last this long, but I definitely milked the hell outta it while I had (/have) it! Enjoying in the now, knowing that this won't last forever. So, poor in the bank, but so much richer at heart.

And yet, strangely during this super-duper-extended vacation, I think I've done equally valuable progress in building my career. I know what I want, and I know that it can happen.

I saw change come to America and experienced a renewed faith in the goodness/mental soundness of people in general. I was a part of the revolution that ushered in the first black president of the country.

I moved out of and back into New York.

I got to spend some serious quality time with virtually all the most important people in my life, and there are so many. I've been blessed with the best friends and the best family. And then I was enriched by the introduction of so many new people into my life-- people so different from me, people so the same (same same but different!), people that I never expected to meet, people that I never expected to like, big people, small people, red people, blue people. I met the gayest gays that ever gayed. I formed bonds with people without even sharing a common language.

I sorted out my priorities, I am comfortable in my own skin, and I feel truly truly TRULY blessed. I think, so far, I've lived a pretty full life-- full of discovery, re-discovery, adventure, joy and so so much love. All this, and still the potential for more.

Then, at the end of a year-long celebration, I turned 30, going out with a bang heard round the world. There was no better way to prepare, and now I feel ready for the next stage. Bring it on!

Happy 2009.