must... find... job!

I only had a vague idea of what I was looking for when I left to travel across the globe a few months ago. I wanted to find an escape, but mostly some perspective and inspiration. I was sick of the somewhat structured life I had created already. I was falling into a rut and didn't know how to get myself out of it. I was so bored but was getting too numb to realize it. Then out of nowhere, circumstances upset that boring balance of mediocre ordinariness. There was a shake-up at my job, my office could no longer keep me, and with that I became one of the first victims of this season's U.S. recession. I could sink or swim. Instead I flew... to Thailand. I wanted a new direction.

I didn't want to be chained to a desk forever, bitching about Mondays, cheering on Fridays and watching the clock everyday until it hit 5pm. I didn't want to work at a job that made me dread waking up in the morning. I didn't want to stress about things that don't really matter in the grander schemes of the universe, like how to make the spreadsheet freeze panes. I didn't want to be living to work. I didn't want to be puttering away behind a computer, losing all sense of human contact and the people I'm supposed to be working for-- the "public" in "public health"-- when I could be in the trenches with them myself. I didn't want a flat office butt. Easier said than done right? But I've paid my dues, and now I want to be on a path that I know I have chosen for myself with all the tools given to me.

So when I get discouraged now and lament about what a drag it is to find a new job, I try to remember what I do and why I get excited thinking about it. Now I not only know what I don't want, but also what I do. In concretes, not abstracts.

I received this email from my old division chief (i.e. big boss) back in New York while I was traipsing about Asia.

Erin,

It was great to hear from you and to see the pictures that you sent. We miss you here and I’m thrilled about your adventures. I have tremendous respect for all that you do and learn much from you by the way you bring “public health” to life.

Enjoy and let us know when you’ll be back Stateside.

Dr. E

And now that I've found inspiration from the outside, I can also find it within.