floating on a life-saver

Captain's log:

Day 390(-ish) with no steady employment. Still drifting aimlessly out at sea, no land in sight. A few mirages have appeared, but after toying with my weary mind they've now faded, along with most of my resolve to stay hopeful. Buoyancy is compromised. Yarrrrr! Where's the plank so I can jump off?

OK it's been a hot minute since I posted anything of substance here. Or anything, period. It's just very hard to write about nothing day in and day out. Le sigh. But here's hoping the tides are turning very soon. Things are starting to happen. Cross fingers.

To combat my dreadful boredom, add a little oomph to my resume and meet some new peeps, I've started volunteering again-- doing what I do well, which is working for no money (siiiigh). I signed up with New York Cares, a nifty little group that organizes well-meaning do-gooders throughout the city by hooking them up with appropriate volunteer opportunities. I chose the Lower East Side Harm Reduction Center, a community-based non-profit organization whose mission is "to reduce the spread of HIV/AIDS and drug-related harm among injection drug users and the community." The philosophy of harm reduction is recognizing that drug users and the larger community are deserving of the same basic human right to health and well-being that we all are, and aims to promote this through practical and non-judgmental provision of information and services. So I spent my Valentines Day promoting L-O-V-E by packaging condoms and educational materials for dissemination around the city-- a much more productive use of my time than a candlelit dinner and pink roses and teddy bears and all that Hallmark nonsense (and also because I did not have a date). My guide/supervisor for the day was the uber-exuberant Tino, who took a whole extra hour post-assignment to talk with me about additional ways I could be involved with the group in a non-volunteer capacity (i.e. I get PAID beeyatch!). So sweet of him, and am definitely looking further into this now.

At the end of it all, he asked me why do I do these things, choose to work with these people, in these situations. I'm not sure what the correct answer is to that..? I said I've tried other things (I used to be in advertising, can you believe?), but nothing else was as fulfilling for me as this line of work. He said "ok I'll accept that." Then I added, "it's for the penance of my tainted soul." I think that was the million dollar answer. He just laughed.

inspiration

Julia Campbell
juliainthephilippines.blogspot.com

I was in Paris when I heard about Julia Campbell. I was with the Paris pinoy contingent, & the news of Julia was spreading like wildfire through the Philippines (her temporary home), the U.S. (her real home), & then the rest of the world. For those who don't know, she was an American Peace Corps volunteer who was killed in the Philippines towards the end of her 2-year assignment there.

Her story touched me in so many ways. How could I not have love for someone who dedicated so much of herself to the Philippines, the country that is half of me? And a country to which she had no previous ties to at all. She decided to leave a life of relative stability & comfort in New York, to step out of the rat race as she said, & into a life of provincial simplicity in the 3rd world. She's originally from Fairfax, Virginia. That was also my first home, where I lived from age 0-3 years.

Reading her blog gives me a glimpse of the realities I'm just getting myself into. The humble living conditions. The exhilaration of a vastly new environment & new lovely people to meet. The challenges of being a foreigner in an un-diverse setting. The frustrations of working your ass off without seeing any results because archaic systems, corrupt institutions & lax business practices are thwarting your every move. The harsh realities of realizing that you can't help everyone, especially those that need it most, & that your impact there will have little effect in the grand scheme of things. All you can do is hope that you've made life even a fraction better for someone else.

But it is because of passionate & dedicated people like her that positive change does happen.

She was killed in April 2007. Not even a year later, & here I am embarking on my own volunteering adventure.

Every encounter we have, however small or seemingly impersonal, is still significant & influences our lives in ways that aren't always obvious. I didn't know Julia, but she has touched my life.