channeling the spirits

As the only foreigner in my workplace, I’m getting really accustomed to not knowing what’s going on. Part of it is because I don’t speak or understand Thai fluently, & part of it is because of cultural work differences that are hard to adjust to. For example, our meetings are always loud & chaotic, & I need a translator. Everyone is yelling simultaneously in rapid-fire Thai. Someone across from me is applying makeup & the ladyboy next to me is simulating a blowjob on a corn cob. It’s the picture of ultimate chaos, but once everything’s been translated for me, I’m always amazed at how these people are really doing innovative & intelligent work.

So I am used to asking many questions & not always getting answers that I understand. While it does get frustrating at times, I’ve learned to just let it go & be prepared for anything.

They asked me to join a few of them on some day-outing for work, but I couldn’t quite understand what the purpose of the outing was. They kept saying “ghosts, you’ll see many ghosts.” After several attempts to get a different answer or more elaboration, I had to give up & assumed it was a bad pronunciation or translation problem on their part, or complete ignorance on my part.

But they really did mean ghosts!

It was a ceremony called fon pee mot (that's the phonetic spelling, I have no idea how to write in Thai!), a whole day when the community gathers together to eat, drink, smoke, dance & channel the spirits of their dead ancestors. What does this have to do with gay people? Ancient folklore attributes magical powers to some gay & transgendered people. So many of the participants were openly gay.

Of course the ceremony was Buddhist, & there I was in a sleeveless top, tattoos & bra straps glaring (strict Buddhists expect women to keep shoulders covered). Sigh, wrong attire yet again. Although no one seemed to mind.

The transition from "normal person" to "dead ancestral spirit" was fun to watch. Some random person in the audience would start crying loudly, in mourning for their dead loved ones. Then s/he would start hacking & coughing & dry heaving (When I first saw this happening, I leaned over with a tissue & asked if the woman was ok. She ignored me & continued to convulse). Then s/he starts dressing up in some elaborate, crazy costume. Then the "spirit" joins the dance. One by one, the dance floor crowded up with jolly, colorful ghosts.

And more often than not they were smoking a fat blunt & swigging whiskey.

It's just tobacco. But I bet they'll be hacking a lot more afterwards. Strangely, the "normal person" is usually not a smoker or drinker in real life, but when channeling the spirits, suddenly they're Amy Winehouse.

Not sure what this was about, but it looked super cool.

I was there to film the event, so I got right up into the mix, squatting & crawling in the middle of the dancefloor to get the perfect angles. One of the ceremony leaders noticed me & called me over & I thought shit, he wants to exorcise my evilness. But instead he "blessed" me by putting a strand of sampaguita (little white flowers) on me & one of the scarves from the offering table, & then made me join the dance! I was the only non-Thai & non-Buddhist there & also the only one who didn’t properly “channel” anyone by going through the convulsing motions. Thai dancing is so slow & totally foreign to me. The only way I know how to dance is to shake it Shakira-style (hahaha), so I did. I was the international ghost. J

I kept the scarf for blessings & good luck, & the ghosts probably followed me home. As long as they are friendly ghosts, I am fine with that.

What a totally unexpected, random day.

back to bangkok, & then debauchery central

Imagine... a 12-hour overnight van ride to Bangkok, with every seat full of gays (except me), screaming & singing (to Kelly Clarkson or really really bad Thai love songs) the whole way there.

We arrived in Bangkok at 7AM & went straight from that hellish ride into a human rights conference. Oooog I was in paaaiiin. Grumpy from lack of sleep & from distorting my body for hours, trying in vain to find a comfortable position during the ride. And then... the conference was all in Thai. Meh! Pain & torture multiplied. BUT I did meet a lot of potentially valuable contacts, like the staff from the Human Rights Commission of Thailand.

And at least this time I wore proper clothing!

I asked to be excused from the next meeting, also all in Thai, & fewer attendees, so my nodding off in the middle of proceedings might be more noticeable & some may say "rude." So instead I just wandered the city streets & a vendor tried to rip me off with fake Ray-Bans for 1200 Baht. I cursed him out for insulting my intelligence & stomped off while he chased me down the street screaming "how much you want pay??!" Bitch, please. The only reason I was even slightly interested in your shoddy merchandise was because I had left my $6 H&M shades back in Chiang Mai & the Thai summer sun was scorching my eyeballs.

After all that, I was more than ready for some fun. From BKK we drove (more driving!!!) straight to Pattaya beach 1.5 hours away. It's by no means the nicest beach that Thailand has to offer, but it's close enough for the city dwellers to escape to for a weekend. Kinda like Batangas to Metro Manila. But not as beautiful, & a lot more trashy. Like A LOT more. To illustrate: it was crawling with white Euro men (usually of the bald, overweight, not-so-easy-on-the-eyes, middle-aged/elderly variety) & their Thai women (usually of the scantily clad, heavily made-up variety). The nightlife looks like this (you can click to enlarge any of these, FYI):

But the ice bar was super cool (ahaha, I kill me).

Those are my coworkers, by the way. I heart them. That's my boss doing the ice shot.

The next day I was all ready for the "meeting" that we supposedly had, which turned out to just be an entire day on the beach spent banana boating, riding roller coasters, feasting on seafood, & then an all-transgendered cabaret show. I had no complaints at all. Except when they told the one straight, semi-cute boy that had the balls (!) to talk to me (surrounded by 10 gay/trangendered men) that I was a ladyboy. And he actually believed them. And then tried to grab my crotch for further proof.

Then the 12-hour ride back to Chiang Mai. This time with 2 hits of Valium.

virgin province

I was in Nan earlier this week, a Thai province that is a 5-hour drive east of Chiang Mai & on the western border of Laos. According to the all-knowing Wikipedia, for centuries this province was a kingdom all its own, leading to the flourishing of ethnic hill tribe minorities and flora that are unique to the region, and led to the romantic labeling of it as Thailand's "virgin province." Until only recently Nan was deemed too dangerous for travelers to visit due to decades of armed conflict with Thai rebels. Things have since calmed down & despite the instability, the region is now coming into its own as a new tourist hotspot. For local tourism that is. Foreigners still rarely make it out this far. I was quite the novelty to the locals.

My boss invited me out here to accompany him to a "small NGO meeting," which to me sounded very brief & informal, & he had been talking up all the touristy, rugged, adventurous things we could do after our meeting. After all, Nan is also well-known for its hiking trails & waterfalls. So I was not at all prepared when we arrived there & were promptly ushered into a large conference hall with all the movers & shakers in Thailand's NGO world, including the Department of Health, all with suits & heels & briefcases, while I was in frickin' fishpants & tsinelas (slippers)!!!! [The way we do business at my organization, & Thailand in general, especially in rural-y areas like Chiang Mai, is always informal] I wanted to die. I didn't pack at all for this. (damn that language barrier & mixed messages yet again!) I threw on my denim jacket & Pumas for slightly more "professional" look, & then suffered all day sweating sweating sweating in the intense summer heat. I don't know how everyone else was managing it in their suits. I wanted to strip off my skin, it was so so sooo hot.

Then to exponentially multiply my mortification, I was asked to give a presentation!!! In Thai!!! I prayed frantically to the Lord above for the ground to swallow me up right then, to no response. (Lord! I gave up chocolate for Lent, does that not count for anything?!) So all eyes burned on me as I struggled through my feeble Thai & then apologized profusely for completely butchering it. Twitters of laughter & then applause as I finished. Die.

But despite all that, I am so glad I went. The conference was about management & capacity-building of healthcare systems of communities in northern Thailand, some of the poorest in the country. Really fascinating stuff (to me, but I can be nerdy like that). Everyone shared stories of successful public health projects in their community that they were involved in & afterwards we took a tour of one of the local communities. We visited one self-sufficient community that farms all its own organic produce & has collectively agreed to an area-wide ban on alcohol & tobacco products. Fruits, veggies, flowers, animals, handicrafts everywhere. I was enthralled.

This is Prim & her little boy, Piyu (picking starfruit off the tree).

She was also an attendee at the conference who specializes in Thai massage therapy. Her story is truly fascinating. Some years ago she was in an accident that left her crippled. Doctors couldn't help & no medication or treatments worked until she tried Thai massage therapy with a blind woman. She's completely cured now, & has used the experience as a sign to spread the benefits of Thai massage therapy to others in need. She regularly sees cancer & AIDS & depression patients & has improved the quality of their lives considerably. She saw an infertile woman, who got pregnant after one session with her. The real beauty behind her technique is not just in the massage itself, but the human contact- physical & emotional. And how incredibly lucky was I to have her as my roommate for the night! & especially so since she was eager to "do me" & naturally I was equally eager to comply. So that night I was treated to a 3-&-A-HALF-HOUR massage. Wow. She pressed buttons on me that made my hands open & close, my heart rate slow down or speed up, certain parts of my brain tingle. Amazing. & even more amazing, when I offered to pay her for that she declined, saying only in her broken English that she wanted to take care of me. I'm a believer now!

The rest of Nan was also amazing. Temples galore. Wat Phumin is the most impressive:

This is me & my name tag for the conference, in Thai.

"Erin" is hard to pronounce for Thai-speakers, but there is a Thai name that is similar so that's what people call me here instead. It's pronounced "Ah-ree" & it means kindness. Hahaha, I kinda like that. ;)

what i do

I am a health educator. That's why I'm here in Chiang Mai. I am working in a volunteer capacity doing HIV/AIDS prevention & outreach.

I'm super fortunate to be coming in at a time when the small organization I'm working with has just received a grant from the Australian Federation of AIDS Organizations to do a groundbreaking research project with sex workers & the MSM community (that is, "men who have sex with men." More explanation later).

Working with gay men has its perks. They know how to laugh. They know how to have fun. & that is so important in the workplace! After all, it is where you spend most of your waking hours, so it should be something you enjoy doing. Even when working on such serious issues, there's nothing that we can't laugh about. The atmosphere is warm & welcoming, as it should be for an organization that is so keen on human rights & equality & open exchange of ideas. This is my outdoor office.

But being around them all the time, I think I'm turning gayer & gayer everyday. Like we burst into song in the middle of meetings & scream to the high heavens when a bug crawls across the floor. Check out my coworker Jit, entertaining us during a break time. Please excuse my heinous laughter in the background. Those are 4-inch heels he's got on by the way:

Just another day at the office.
(* edit: this video is taking for-fuckin-ever to upload. Damn this archaic internet again! Hopefully it worked, but if not will try again at a later date. Worth the wait, trust me!)

Right now I'm working on developing a survey to research risky sexual practices so that we can address them more effectively. This is already super challenging given the very complex & graphic content, but throw in the language barrier & it just boggles the mind. Much hilarious pantomime & charades ensues. For example, how do you explain oral sex in terms we can all understand? Or the 69 position? Or ejaculating inside or outside the body? Or casual sex?

Me: Someone you have sex with only one time.

(looks of puzzlement)

Someone: One person?

Me: No no. One time. A one-night stand? Someone you have sex with for one night only?

Everyone (bursting into song): One night only!
(you know, the song from "Dreamgirls"? Hello gayness)

Seriously. Wow. By the end of the day my head is bursting with the words "cock," "suck," "fuck," "come," "ass" & every other graphic word that's worthy of an entire sexual thesaurus. It's so draining & brain-frying, but at least they make it fun. :)

inspiration

Julia Campbell
juliainthephilippines.blogspot.com

I was in Paris when I heard about Julia Campbell. I was with the Paris pinoy contingent, & the news of Julia was spreading like wildfire through the Philippines (her temporary home), the U.S. (her real home), & then the rest of the world. For those who don't know, she was an American Peace Corps volunteer who was killed in the Philippines towards the end of her 2-year assignment there.

Her story touched me in so many ways. How could I not have love for someone who dedicated so much of herself to the Philippines, the country that is half of me? And a country to which she had no previous ties to at all. She decided to leave a life of relative stability & comfort in New York, to step out of the rat race as she said, & into a life of provincial simplicity in the 3rd world. She's originally from Fairfax, Virginia. That was also my first home, where I lived from age 0-3 years.

Reading her blog gives me a glimpse of the realities I'm just getting myself into. The humble living conditions. The exhilaration of a vastly new environment & new lovely people to meet. The challenges of being a foreigner in an un-diverse setting. The frustrations of working your ass off without seeing any results because archaic systems, corrupt institutions & lax business practices are thwarting your every move. The harsh realities of realizing that you can't help everyone, especially those that need it most, & that your impact there will have little effect in the grand scheme of things. All you can do is hope that you've made life even a fraction better for someone else.

But it is because of passionate & dedicated people like her that positive change does happen.

She was killed in April 2007. Not even a year later, & here I am embarking on my own volunteering adventure.

Every encounter we have, however small or seemingly impersonal, is still significant & influences our lives in ways that aren't always obvious. I didn't know Julia, but she has touched my life.

simple life

And now I am here in Chiang Mai, which is to be my adopted home for the next few months. First impressions:

1. Little alleys (just like Italy, o diba?)
2. Motorbikes (everywhere. I’ve already been on a few. Must get over fear of)
3. Markets (also everywhere. Lord help me)
4. Moat (separates the “old” from “new” city. It’s my landmark for getting to & from anywhere)
5. Heat (scorching, & only going to get hotter as we enter the summer season)
6. Flowers (orchids, bougainvillea, sampaguita, birds of paradise, the smallest roses I’ve ever seen, & a million others I could never hope to name)
7. Hippies (lots. Kinda ew)
8. Dogs (askals roaming free on the streets)
9. Food (oh my God the food. Do I really need to elaborate?)

The house. I am living in a very (very very very) simple house that is traditional Thai-style. We take off our shoes at the door. No TV, no internet, no aircon. I don’t even have my own bed. I have the top bunk (disaster in the making when I come home drunk, augh). The first night I was eaten alive by the tiny red ants that decided to crawl into bed with me. Ahh, nature. I was able to solve this problem by spraying my sheets with Bygon (insecticide), & it’s really comforting to know that now I won’t die from being eaten alive, but instead it’ll happen by breathing in poison every night (I kid, I kid).

I live with 5 other volunteers, all female, ranging in age from 24-40: 2 Americans, 1 Scottish, 1 Australian, & 1 Filipina. Then me, the house mongrel. We are each working on different projects, so it’s a great dynamic in that we get to exchange many colorful stories about work life. So far so good- no catfights yet. J (no pillow-fights either, you perv) We also have a live-in maid, an assimilated Thai woman who was originally a refugee from Burma. She cooks our daily meals & cleans up after us messy Westerners.

It is no secret that I have not yet mastered the art of packing light, & it seems I never will. I rolled up into this ultra-simple house (as a volunteer, no less!) with 2 pieces of luggage & a backpack stuffed to the brims, 6 pairs of shoes, a hairdryer, a flat iron, a laptop, an ipod, ipod speakers, 2 digital cameras, & 10 million beauty products. Low-maintenance, I am not. And my closet looks like this:

And I share it with my roommate. And I am only going to accumulate more. Like much much more. Like I am afraid of myself & the damage I can do to my already overburdened bank account. Hello shopping!!! The markets are right at my doorstep.

There are way too many opportunities here for me to empty my wallet.

The pace of life is slow, worlds away from what I just experienced in Bangkok & Manila & most definitely New York. Time doesn’t seem to matter. The operative word for everything here is “chilllllll.” But I’m enjoying this radical change in my life. I really really am.

sa wa dee ka bangkok!

Bangkok! Bustling, crazy, hectic Bangkok.

Can I just express again how much I adore my friends? That’s the beauty of having grown up as an international kid- having connections in virtually every city in the world. Jon, my friend from New York via International School Bangkok, hooked me up bigtime. In a city where I knew not a soul, I somehow managed to feel like a local. The morning I left Manila I didn’t even yet know where I’d be sleeping that night, but by the time I reached Bangkok I had an airport greeting party (thank you Aman & Pawan), a luxury hotel accommodation (thank you Vishal), tour guides & party planners.

Vishal made my hotel arrangements at the President Solitaire , which apparently is owned by a friend of theirs (& thus a nice friendly discount). My jaw dropped when I saw my room.

I soaked my over-partied, over-traveled self in the hot tub, I watched bad teen movies on the 30-inch flat screen TV, I slept for 12 hours in the king-size bed, & I marveled at the bird’s eye view of the city from my windows. I felt so undeserving. Although now I am thanking my lucky stars for that last taste of luxury before this simple life in Chiang Mai (more on that later…).

With only 2 days there, I didn’t expect to do much & was absolutely not in the mood to rush about & join the hectic Bangkok fray. Instead I tagged along with Pawan & Keren during the day while they scoured the electronics malls & ate at Pizza Hut. They apologized for taking me to an American food chain as my first taste of Thailand, but no worries, as I am sure to be thoroughly sick of Thai food by the end of my very extended stay here.

Besides, the hectic-ness happens at night. Behold Bed Supper Club:

I had a video, but internet here is painfully slow so I couldn't upload, but you get the idea. Besides, too much Sambuca does not make me a good videographer. Sambuca is gross by the way. Crazy Thai people.

3 hours of sleep then off to the next episode.

all apologies

I miss you! Internet access is scarce. Updates coming soon. Promise. :)

no place like home

My fresh start begins by going back to my roots. A little over 5 days now that I've been back in Manila, after having been away for more than 3 years. I know it's not just the jetlag that's making this feel so surreal. So much has changed, yet at the same time, nothing at all. The beautifully familiar and comforting are in the details.

An ice cold San Mig Light in my hand (non-export quality). The dirty orange 20 peso bills. The lizards crawling over fluorescent lights snapping at mosquitoes. The lively chatter & chismisan everywhere. The "ma'am/sir"s. The bougainvilla hanging from the walls. From the moment I stepped off the plane, the smells & the humidity & the soothing Tagalog lilt hit me all at once with the force of a typhoon. My heart skipped a beat. I'm home.