judgement day

I was really starting to despair and really starting to remember what stress feels like. Since July I have been muddling along, diligently firing off resume after resume after resume, with absolutely no response. I was really beginning to wonder if anyone ever reads these things or are they just ending up in a big black hole of nothingness? All this time I've been trying to keep hope alive and stick it out, not settling for anything less than what I really want, because this time I am aiming higher! But CNN finally confirmed that the U.S. is "officially" in a recession (duh! you think?) and Obama reiterates constantly that the economy is only going to get worse before it gets better. Meanwhile I am sinking lower, lower, lower into my pit of hopelessness. I started to toy with the idea of leaving, yet again. It would be out of necessity, as New York City is not the most practical place to live in on an income of nothing and in a job market offering nothing. I'm thinking to myself, maybe it's time to really re-learn Spanish. I wonder what the weather is like in Buenos Aires this time of year?

And then... Finally! A ray of hope! Santa seemed to have heard my wish. One singular interview offer appears in my in-box. And it's a gooood one. I want it! Oh the pressure. Ouch my brain! I haven't used it in so long, and I only had 2 days to cram.

The interview was today over the phone. I had that familiar feeling again- stress! It was a panel of 4 people interrogating, and from the beginning they asked me to be concise and to the point. So much for all the cutesy anecdotes I had prepared. Then they only asked 5 totally unconventional questions that blew me away. I think I babbled quite a bit, floundering for the right answer... or wait actually, ANY answer. I babbled and babbled, listening acutely for any signs of interest, approval, awe, disgust, but I got nothing at all. Nary a follow-up question nor a "that's nice." Hello? Is this thing on? I tried to inject some charm and humor into my answers, trying to break their icy demeanor, and babbled on about the language difficulties I sometimes had to deal with whilst in Chiang Mai. I laughed about having to design research instruments and pantomime risky sexual practices to do so. I laugh and laugh. Hmm I slowly realize I'm on my own here. Crickets chirping. Egads I just made a sex joke to these formidable, humorless people. Die!

I was so so drained when it was all over a mere 10 minutes later. I felt like war-torn Baghdad. 10 minutes is all I got, after 48 hours of cramming and 6 months of praying for it to happen. I lived to tell the tale. And now I have to wait until after the new year to find out the results.

You know how you see those finalists in say, American Idol, during the last few episodes, sobbing at the thought of coming so far only to miss the goal at the very end of the journey? I really feel for them now. Don't laugh.

So please send good vibes and prayers my way, coz I really could use them!