30 December 2008

tick tock


So it's the last few hours of my 20s. And then... the big 3-uh-oh-OH-NO. Shouldn't I be out relishing these last precious moments by partying like an animal, making bad decisions, finding a husband, making babies, buying property, and excelling in my career?

Need a drink now.


19 December 2008

judgement day


I was really starting to despair and really starting to remember what stress feels like. Since July I have been muddling along, diligently firing off resume after resume after resume, with absolutely no response. I was really beginning to wonder if anyone ever reads these things or are they just ending up in a big black hole of nothingness? All this time I've been trying to keep hope alive and stick it out, not settling for anything less than what I really want, because this time I am aiming higher! But CNN finally confirmed that the U.S. is "officially" in a recession (duh! you think?) and Obama reiterates constantly that the economy is only going to get worse before it gets better. Meanwhile I am sinking lower, lower, lower into my pit of hopelessness. I started to toy with the idea of leaving, yet again. It would be out of necessity, as New York City is not the most practical place to live in on an income of nothing and in a job market offering nothing. I'm thinking to myself, maybe it's time to really re-learn Spanish. I wonder what the weather is like in Buenos Aires this time of year?

And then... Finally! A ray of hope! Santa seemed to have heard my wish. One singular interview offer appears in my in-box. And it's a gooood one. I want it! Oh the pressure. Ouch my brain! I haven't used it in so long, and I only had 2 days to cram.

The interview was today over the phone. I had that familiar feeling again- stress! It was a panel of 4 people interrogating, and from the beginning they asked me to be concise and to the point. So much for all the cutesy anecdotes I had prepared. Then they only asked 5 totally unconventional questions that blew me away. I think I babbled quite a bit, floundering for the right answer... or wait actually, ANY answer. I babbled and babbled, listening acutely for any signs of interest, approval, awe, disgust, but I got nothing at all. Nary a follow-up question nor a "that's nice." Hello? Is this thing on? I tried to inject some charm and humor into my answers, trying to break their icy demeanor, and babbled on about the language difficulties I sometimes had to deal with whilst in Chiang Mai. I laughed about having to design research instruments and pantomime risky sexual practices to do so. I laugh and laugh. Hmm I slowly realize I'm on my own here. Crickets chirping. Egads I just made a sex joke to these formidable, humorless people. Die!

I was so so drained when it was all over a mere 10 minutes later. I felt like war-torn Baghdad. 10 minutes is all I got, after 48 hours of cramming and 6 months of praying for it to happen. I lived to tell the tale. And now I have to wait until after the new year to find out the results.

You know how you see those finalists in say, American Idol, during the last few episodes, sobbing at the thought of coming so far only to miss the goal at the very end of the journey? I really feel for them now. Don't laugh.

So please send good vibes and prayers my way, coz I really could use them!

17 December 2008

fantastic voyage


Wow.

That's really the best word that can sum up my most recent international excursion.



But 3 countries in 2 weeks is enough to spin anyone's head I imagine.



The food! The cute boys! The shopping! Truly a buffet for the soul. Heehee.




Let me just put my words together then I can share more with you.

11 December 2008

dear santa


All I want for Christmas is a job that I can love, and one that loves me back. Thank you.

(and maybe just substitute "job" for "man" if you're feeling extra generous!)

Peace on Earth. xoxo.

09 December 2008

music makes the people come together





As previously blogged about, in New York City we are accustomed to living on top on one another, privy to everyone else's business and pretending not to care. I know what time my neighbors leave for work and I know what time their kids get out of school. I know that there is a gay couple somewhere in the vicinity who frequently argue about not being able to fully come out of the closet. I know that Greg who lives upstairs likes to play the banjo, stomp his feet and yodel (or whatever that God-awful noise is emitting from his throat), as part of practice for his "bluegrass" band. Those are the times when I turn up my stereo, curl into the fetal position and whimper. There's also a beautifully-voiced opera singer who lives in the apartment adjacent to my bathroom window. Those are the peaceful Sunday mornings when I stumble into the shower, bleary-eyed from the debaucheries of the night prior, and find my sanity again just listening to her angelic chorus interplaying with the rushing water around me.

Then, in moments of inspiration, delusion, or emotional overflow, I belt it out in the shower. As you may or may not know, I'm a closeted, frustrated, emotional and angst-y rockstar. Karaoke is my best friend, when I have a mic in my grasp, a song in my heart and a captive audience of friends and strangers alike. The shower is my practice studio. So, a few weeks ago while rehearsing my rendition of Mariah Carey's "Vision of Love," a thought occurred to me...

If I can hear my neighbors, surely they can hear me!

Um, duh. Cringe.

So now the weather has gotten colder, much, much colder, and I've had to shut the bathroom window for the winter. So no more Sunday opera for the season. I wonder if they are missing me too.

07 December 2008

mama said knock you out




From The International Herald Tribune, published today, December 7, 2008.

Philippines crawls to halt to cheer Manny Pacquiao, boxing hero

By Carlos H. Conde

MANILA: In cities and towns across the Philippines, traffic was practically nonexistent Sunday. The crime rate was zero in Manila and other major urban centers, the police said. And days before, the military had announced it would not be opening any offensives against enemies of the state for a day, while Muslim insurgents responded by promising not to attack.

The event that brought everyday life in this deeply Catholic country to a Good Friday-like standstill was the historic matchup in Las Vegas between Manny Pacquiao, pound-for-pound the world's best boxer, and the Mexican-American boxing legend Oscar De La Hoya.

Filipinos were glued to their television sets as Pacquiao claimed victory over De La Hoya. Restaurants and movie theaters were filled with mostly poor Filipinos, cheering Pacquiao and taunting his opponent, while pedicab and bus drivers stopped plying their routes, to the consternation of some commuters.

"We don't get to do this often, so you understand the excitement," said Erasmo Baltazar, a 52-year-old bus driver who decided not to show up for work Sunday. "Besides," he added, taking a swig of his beer inside a roadside restaurant, "I never miss a fight by Manny."

In many army camps, televisions have been set up for soldiers, whom the popular Pacquiao has always made sure to visit. "The soldiers relate to him because his life is an inspiration to us all," said Major Gerardo Zamudio, an air force spokesman.

Pacquiao, 29, is considered the greatest sports hero this country has ever had. He is dubbed the "people's champ," earning as well the moniker "the national fists."

His victory over De La Hoya, who surrendered after the eighth round of a 12-round fight, cemented his legendary status, which had been buttressed by his humble beginnings (he dropped out of school when he was 12, sold cigarettes in the streets and turned to boxing in order to survive) as well as his reputation for generosity (he reportedly spent $700,000 for tickets to the match that he gave out to friends and relatives).

To many Filipinos, Pacquiao is the embodiment of a dream fulfilled. Across the country, boxing stables are filled with young men who had run away from their homes in the provinces in order to train to be boxers - many of them hoping to emulate Pacquiao. He has almost single-handedly made boxing the national sport in what used to be a basketball-crazy nation.

"Manny lives up to his billing. He is truly the people's champ," said John Nery, a writer who has written profiles of the boxer. "But I think he is also teaching his millions of fans a valuable life lesson. Talent, even of world-class quality, is not enough. You need discipline."

Prior to the match, Pacquiao had been deemed the underdog against the heavier, taller and more experienced De La Hoya. But his training and preparation bordered on the obsessive, many sportswriters had said, with reports depicting him as a hungry boxer determined to prove his nonbelievers wrong.

Apart from being a source of inspiration to many young Filipinos, Pacquiao's fights have a way of deflecting attention from the country's troubles. For instance, the news that 16 people had been killed Saturday in the worst cops-and-robbers shootout in recent years - including a man and his young daughter who happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time - was eclipsed by stories on Pacquiao. "Time to make history" went the lead Sunday headline of the Philippine Daily Inquirer, the country's largest.

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So, does this mean now we are looking at a future President Manny? Yes We Can! But No We Shouldn't! In any case, mabuhay ang Pilipinas!